Not so Sincerely, An Old Friend

 

Dear Silence,

There are not enough words in the dictionary to describe how much I despise you, so I will refrain from boring you with my trying to find a way to describe it. I will, however, describe what you do to my mind. I will describe to you, Silence, how you twist my peaceful thoughts to those of horror and anguish. Silence, when I sit in my worn, leather chair, and you greet me like an old friend, I wish you wouldn’t. You make me think of things I’ve done and things I didn’t. You make me think of the life I have wasted. When you come to visit me, Silence, you are certainly not welcome, yet you pull up a chair as if saying, “It’s just you and me now.” Silence, you make tears stream down my face without a sound. You make me dwell upon all of the achievements I wanted but never reached. You, Silence, cause me to reflect on old grievances that I thought I had already overcome. You force me to recall every last disappointing thing I have done, every person I have let down, and every person I have yet to let down. Dear Silence, you may think you are impenetrable, but I am here to tell you you are not. For every time you show up and think you are here to stay, she walks in and all thoughts of horror and anguish return to thoughts of peace. And as long as she lives, you may come to visit, but know you will never be welcome to stay.

Not So Sincerely, An Old Friend

 

 

 

Inspired by Shakespeare’s Sonnet 30

“When to the sessions of sweet silent thought

I summon up remembrance of things past,

I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,

And with old woes new wail my dear time’s waste:

Then can I drown an eye, unus’d to flow,

For precious friends hid in death’s dateless night,

And weep afresh love’s long since cancell’d woe,

And moan the expense of many a vanish’d sight:

Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,

And heavily from woe to woe tell o’er

The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,

Which I new pay as if not paid before.

But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,

All losses are restor’d and sorrows end.”